Dreamwork is allowing me to experience my life differently. It can be subtle yet powerful at the same time. A slight shift can bring me to a new place, a new experience.
I’ve been reading a book about this work called The Deep Well Tapes [written by the founder of this type of dreamwork, Marc Bregman with Susan Marie Scavo and Ellen Keene]. It’s interesting to read about something that you are experiencing. It helps to validate the experience. Recently I read the chapter called, “Three Types of Love”.
As I reflected upon what I read – sometimes at random, unexpected moments, a thought, a feeling an understanding would arise. I’d be walking to my car in the parking lot and suddenly an awareness would come, allowing me to recognize part of myself – how I’ve been living in the world for much of my life. It can be a little unsettling to step back and look at yourself like that.
There are three types of “love” that Bregman discusses in his chapter;
pity, mercy and compassion
So I reflected. Did I operate out of pity? No of course not! Mercy? Yes, I think that’s me. Compassion? Hmmm not so sure.
Having pity is being sorry for another’s situation but it also says, “I’m so glad that’s not me!” As Bregman says, “pity loathes suffering.” At first I dismissed pity. Of course that’s not me. What a selfish way to operate! But when I finally got honest with myself, I did admit that I sometimes pity others. Working as a Physical Therapist has put me in contact with many sad situations. As much as I would like to say that in my work I have always felt compassion or at least mercy for my patients, I have to admit that has not always been the case. Pity has been there to remind me that I am glad I’m not a quadriplegic or that I’m glad it’s not my kid with a debilitating disability. Believe me, I am not proud of that.
What about Mercy? Bregman says, “Feeling mercy is the desire to ease someone else’s suffering, to make the person feel better.” That’s me! When those in my life are in pain, my response is to try to fix it. Fix it quickly! I feel a strong, unbearable feeling rise up in me when others are hurting. I can hear some of you now saying…. Of course! What is wrong with that? Doesn’t everyone want to help another out of a painful situation? And I would agree. That seems to be a “normal” thing for many of us to do. But as the chapter suggests, merciful love is a “love” that feels a compulsion to stop the other person’s pain. Why? Because it brings up one’s own pain, which can be very difficult to experience. On the outside, it seems like a selfless love. You are trying to help another feel less pain. But it is really a selfish love. You don’t want them to feel pain because it could force you to feel your own. This is not a conscious choice. It’s just a reaction that comes from a place down deep.
The dream, “Crying in the Water” (see my last blog entry) demonstrates my tendency towards mercy. In this case, it is mercy towards my soul self. My girl is standing in the water crying. She is totally in her feeling self. All she wants is for me to step into the water with her and feel what she is feeling. But what do I do? I pick her up and take her out of the water. I don’t want to feel what she is feeling. I just want to get her to stop crying. That is mercy.
How about compassion? This is a selfless form of love. I’d like to think that I am full of compassion. But sadly it dawns on me that even though I want it to be, it is not really me. As Bregman says, compassion literally means “with passion”. In order to be “with passion”, with another, you need to have experienced suffering yourself. Most of us go through life blocking ourselves off from painful feelings and so we don’t have access to compassion. Dreamwork can help unblock us and open us up to these feelings and therefore compassion.
It’s funny how things coincide sometimes. I read the chapter and I concluded that my life habit has been mainly to act out of mercy. But soon after, it was as if I was given a chance to change – to experience what it is like to be compassionate. I was with someone who was sharing a very painful situation with me. It was hard to listen to. As she poured herself out to me, I could feel a deep pain growing inside of me. I sat with it and let it be. She continued to share with me. As she cried, I felt tears welling up within me. This was something new. I did not feel compelled to stop her from crying. I was there as a caring presence with her. As I write this, I can again feel her pain, which is mirrored in me. As the dreams teach me to feel, I am becoming more accustomed to it. I’ve practiced this feeling in dreams and so now I am ready to experience this in my waking life. As I sat with her and her pain, we cried together, experiencing the pain of what she is going through. Although difficult, the moments we shared together brought us to a deeper level of feeling and connection. And isn’t that what we are all really wanting?
Recent Comments