Pumpkins??

Dream: I am with a man outside on the sidewalk. He says to me “I really hate pumpkins!” I don’t react since I don’t feel too strongly one way or the other. We turn the corner and two of my neighbors’ yards are completely overflowing with pumpkins. One of the yards has a lush green area with what looks like clover. There is a huge rabbit eating the clover. I think he looks so cute. I tell the neighbor that it reminds me of “Mr. McGregor’s Garden”.

Pumpkins??? This dream has me completely stumped. I can see a sharp image in my mind of the two yards overflowing with pumpkins. How odd. So, we talk about pumpkins in the dream session. Rodger mentions the conditional aspect of the pumpkin in Cinderella – turning into a pumpkin at 12:00. The animus is strongly reacting to this idea of conditionality. He wants me to know that he hates it. He hates the idea that I think that I need to act or be a certain way to be accepted, loved. Another thing that Rodger brings up about pumpkins is that they are mainly for decoration. They look good… but I need to look for what is not there. They are not juicy – you can’t really take a nice big bite of a pumpkin. And so, pumpkins are taking over the yard (my life). I could have a juicy, nourishing life but I am settling for pumpkins. That brings up sadness for me.

In the dream I think the rabbit looks cute but Rodger doesn’t think he’s cute. He is busy being distracted eating lots of clover…. but clover is not very satisfying. There is the reference in the dream to Mr. McGregor’s garden. In the Beatrix Potter story, although he is forbidden to, Peter Rabbit goes into Mr. McGregor’s garden to eat the vegetables. In my dream, he is the big rebel going into the garden but all he gets is clover.

I reflect on how this relates to me. I am the rebel but being the rebel sends me into a direction of never really knowing what I want. I get distracted – busy myself with eating clover.

At first glance this dream was completely baffling. But now I can see that in the dream, the animus purposely brings me to this unsatisfying pumpkin/clover scene to show me how it personifies my life.

As I continue with this work I am gradually developing a capacity to feel more deeply. And so now, 2 months after having this dream, as I look back and write about it, I am taken by a deeper, sad feeling that I wasn’t able to feel at that time.