The tense feeling running through my body has been there since I was a young girl. It had been there as a fixture in my body for decades until my first yoga class. During that class, I experienced something different. I had a brief sense of calm. It happened during the relaxing position of “child’s pose” and lasted about 15 seconds. That was a turning point for me. I have continued with yoga ever since, always hoping for that feeling again, always appreciating even the brief sensation of letting go, of something other than the tense feeling.
Perhaps it was that ever present anxious feeling that drove me to search in book after book for an answer. An answer to a question I had not yet formed. The anxious feelings had always been there so I never knew they weren’t “normal”. I didn’t really know that in part I was searching for a way to calm the feelings.
I must have read 100+ ‘self help’ (or ‘personal development’ as I like to call it) books over the years, starting with Scott Peck’s “The Road Less Traveled” when I was fresh out of college. About 5 years ago, I also began listening to podcasts that were full of interviews with wise people who seem to have lots of answers. But still, what exactly is my question? All I know is that listening to wise people and reading inspirational books helps me to feel a little bit more centered and calm in some way. What I am realizing now, is that these have been pointers to something that until recently, I couldn’t really understand.
Understanding information in your mind is different than experiencing something at a deeper, more visceral level. You can read about ideas that make a lot of sense. You can memorize facts and repeat phrases. But what really makes a difference, is experiencing, sensing, feeling.
This blog gives me a chance to share the journey that I am in the midst of right now. I am moving from being a person who has been mostly in my head towards being a person who has a deeper sense of existence, of experience, of life and of feeling.
I believe that the transition I am experiencing has been brought about by my dreams. Everybody has their individual path in life that works for them. There are as many paths as there are people. My path has had many twists and turns but it eventually led me to where I am today which I believe is just where I need to be. I try never to get stuck on one idea as THE right idea for me or anyone else. However, as of today, I think that understanding my dreams is an amazing way to understand myself in a deep way. A way that gets much deeper than any of the books or podcasts could have taken me. The dreams have moved me in a way that is exciting, new and sometimes scary as well.
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