This dreamwork experience is always full of surprises. It throws you so many curve balls that after a while you stop thinking that you have any possible idea of what to expect. My soul voice is starting to emerge. But I never dreamed (pun intended) it would come in the form of a child singing out,
Clumpity Clump, Clumpity Clump, Clumpity Clump
The “clumpity” dream starts off with me wanting to take an art class. The class is full, but that doesn’t stop me. I open the next door and a woman welcomes me in. She (the anima) fills my hands with art supplies until they are overflowing. This place of desire, met with acceptance and abundance is tender place for me. Learning how to live in that place is new. In the dream session, tears start to flow when I read that part of the dream out loud. But in the next part of the dream, this creative place of feeling and desire comes to a halt. Instead of digging my hands in and getting started, I sit and wait. I don’t know what to do. I think that I need someone to show me how to do it. Everything stops. My desire, the tender feelings of acceptance, the knowledge of abundance. All of it stops as I sit and wait.
The dream is showing my life to me. How I sit and I wait. I have strong desires within me. Desires to create and to sing and so much more. But instead of digging in, I wait. As if there is a right way to create or a right way to sing.
Now, in the dream I see a woman sewing smiles on stuffed monkeys. Rodger helps me to see the painful truth of this. Monkey see, monkey do. A sewn on smile. That is part of who I’ve been. And that is who I am when I sit and wait, thinking that I need to have someone show me how to create or to sing.
But all is not lost. The next part of the dream is full of hope. The dream shows that there is another way to be. There is another part of me that is emerging.
In the dream, I walk over to a man (animus) and I start to sing a little song, mimicking the rhythm of a cow or horse when it walks or runs. I sing,
Clumpity Clump, Clumpity Clump, Clumpity Clump
At first when I look at the man, I think he is angry, that he doesn’t like my song. But then all of the sudden he begins to sing with me. We are singing together with loud voices and in a round. It is so much fun.
There is wonderful hope and joy in this part of the dream. There is also a big clue about what holds me back.
At first I think that the man is angry. And if he hadn’t started singing with me right away, I probably would have stopped singing. The truth is that he is anything but angry. He loves me and wants nothing more than to sing a silly song with me.
This is a theme that has been showing up again and again in my dreams and in my life. This idea that I think people are angry or upset with me. In some cases that may be true, but 95% of the time, it’s just a story. I’ve been living from a place of constant vigilance. I listen for a tone of voice. I see a look on someone’s face and I think – oh, I wonder what I did wrong. I wonder why they are angry with me. I’ve been operating unconsciously in this way for all of my life. Dreams are bringing this to my attention. And dreams are showing me that it is not true. This unconscious belief and pattern affect my relationships in my life and they are affecting my ability to connect in the divine archetypal realm with the anima and animus.
This dream session (and this dream) was a big one for me. It was filled with pain and with joy. I felt despair in the way that I’ve been living my life and the hope of acceptance and abundance in my desire. I felt joy when I had the courage to sing my silly song with the Animus, despite my misguided fear that he was angry. Rodger kept driving home to me the idea that I can break this misguided pattern. And I must break this pattern in order to move forward in all aspects of my inner and outer life. I felt the enormity of that. I still feel it.
My homework was to sing with the animus, “clumpity clump, clumpity clump” any time that I think that someone is angry or upset with me – by the look on their face, the tone of their voice or anything else.
I was surprised at how often I came upon these “clumpity clump” moments. Just how often I think that people in my life are upset with me for some reason. And the lie of that is starting to break. I am bringing the voice, the rhythm and the vibration of my soul – clumpity clump, clumpity clump — along with the support of the animus into these moments. Who knew that the voice of my soul would take the form of a simple, silly, child’s song? Well, now I know. And I love it.
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