Dream: I am holding a naked baby boy and he starts peeing. I am holding him away from me. I am not sure what to do with him.

There is uncertainty in this dream. The boy is completely exposed and vulnerable but I don’t know how to react to it. The boy is part of me – that part of my soul, right there in all its glory. But I don’t know what to do. “I am not sure what to do with him” assumes there is some answer. I need to figure something out. But really the baby is just being the boy – peeing where ever. There’s nothing to figure out. The baby is pure feeling. He is feeling the release, the relief and even the joy of peeing without abandon.  I hold him away from me with this kind of “ewww” reaction. I jump away from pure feeling and make it a problem. I distance myself – holding him away from me. Holding him at arms length.

We do an exercise where Rodger asks me to close my eyes and imagine being the boy peeing. As soon as he says, “close your eyes”, something in me wants to shut down.  There is this part of me that doesn’t want to do this. But I am patient with myself and soon I can imagine being a baby boy peeing. For a few seconds I can feel into it but then I start thinking and it gets uncomfortable. My head gets in the way. I try again and this time I laugh. I imagine myself peeing all over the place in every direction and it makes me laugh. That’s the boy!

My homework is to be the boy peeing. I go from holding the boy away from me, not knowing what to do with him…. to being the boy. I never would have guessed it but I like this homework. It’s actually kind of fun to imagine and feel what it might be like to be a peeing baby boy!