Dream: There is some type of electric machine that I am hooking a man to. I’m testing it to see if it’s working right. There are other people watching to see if it will work. I need to hook myself up so that I will be connected to the man but first I have to turn on the power. I run to turn on the power and as I do I realize that I will be shocked when I go to connect myself. Even so, I turn the power on knowing this will happen. Now I am going to complete the circuit by getting myself connected. I’m scared to do it but I know I must.
What is it that animates us? What is it that gives us life? What is the life force that is present in us when we are alive and that leaves our bodies when we die? These questions have been rolling around in me for as long as I can remember. Really, the basic question – the quest for me is this: who or what is God? And how can I become connected?
As I continue with dreamwork, the animus presents himself to me in countless ways. At first, when Rodger described the animus as having a “divine nature,” I wasn’t sure how to respond. There was something that was a little “too much” or “too big” that came along with that notion. I’ve skirted around that issue – the “God” issue – in this blog, and in my life. Part of me longs to connect with God, but there is also a place in me that has a fear of connecting. I can’t say that I understand it. But it shows up in my dreams as this back and forth – connecting in one dream and then not connecting, for any number of reasons in the next.
For many of us humans, the idea of God can be too much, too big. Although I am ready to admit my longing for a connection with God, at the same time it seems to be way too big and too scary for my small self to imagine. But in our dreams, we are given a way to begin to imagine it and to connect with it. The animus. The name itself has in it’s root meaning – soul, spirit, breath. Over time, in our dreams, the animus helps us to see that it is him, God, that animates us.
And so in this dream, the animus is there. Electricity is a metaphor for the life force that animates us. I am presented with the opportunity to connect with it, with Him, but it so big and scary. And the shock that I could feel with the force of it is likely very painful.
My homework is to complete the circuit.
Dreams work in such clever ways. Dreams can get away with giving us the opportunity to connect with this amazing powerful force that some (including me) call God. For many, this would be too much to even begin to even think about in waking life. But, the animus comes in dreams as another human, somebody we can relate to, somebody we can connect with. In this particular dream, I am not thinking – OMG! That is God!….., I just know that I must connect with the man and that I am scared to do it.
I am afraid to do the homework. I don’t know what to expect. I think of all the logistics. Where will I sit? Will I hold his hand first and then touch the wire? I feel so scared. My heart is pounding. But eventually I am able to imagine grabbing his hand and the wire at the same time. I see and feel a white circle of light going through him and through me. It fills me with an amazing sense of warmth and love. But then, when I go back to doing the homework again, I second guess myself. Was I just conjuring up those feelings or were they real? I get stuck in thinking mode, wondering if I will feel that special feeling again. But it’s not something that I can turn on and off. It is not about me controlling this like a switch. It is more about trusting, and allowing the electricity to flow. I know I “must” do it, but to be honest, I don’t know if I am ready.