Dream: I see Matt (my nephew). He is about 5 years old. He is so cute – curious about everything. Then it switches and he is an adult. Where is little Matt now? I sit down on the ground and I start crying. There are other family members around. I notice them and I keep crying. I cry and cry about Matt not being the little boy anymore.
Dreams use characters from our lives to represent parts of us. Although, there is part of me that misses that cute little 5 year old Matt, the dream isn’t really about that. It’s about the pain of the loss of my boy. That part of my soul that comes in the dreams as a child, and in this case the boy.
About a year ago, I had a dream that the boy was dead but then realized he wasn’t. He was hiding. He shows up again in this dream but then, just like that… he’s gone. This dream is helping me to feel the sadness of his absence in me. Hopefully through the feeling of that loss, I can connect to him again and recover that part of my soul self.
Rodger asks what 5 year old Matt was like.
He was curious, wide-eyed, open.
If I can recover my boy, I can re-connect to these aspects of myself. How do I lose my boy?
Curious – when I’m afraid to speak up and be the curious boy
Wide-eyed – when my eyes are closed
Openness – when I hide
Last session I had a break though where I saw myself as the girl in the mirror. In this dream, I am being brought back to a place of loss. In order to connect to my soul, I need to speak up, stay open – not hide. I need to be the curious, wide-eyed, open boy.
My homework is to feel pain of the lost boy.