Dream: I am going to a dance. I’m bringing my girlfriend with me. I get myself looking real cute by taking off some layers. As I take off the one shirt, it’s so tight that it almost pulls the other shirts off with it. Finally I get it off and I’m ready to go dance. I’ve got a short, cropped polka dotted top on. The girl I’m with feels a little out of place. I want to do what I can to make her feel more comfortable. I feel love for her.

It’s hard to remember, even after you’ve been doing this work for a while that pretty much everything in a dream is a reflection of yourself. You have a dream with certain characters in it and you think it’s about them. But usually it’s about you.

That’s the case here. Before talking to Rodger I thought this dream was a nice little dream. It’s about me wanting to let loose and go dancing – which makes sense. I do love to dance. And then there is the part where I care about my friend who feels uncomfortable, out of place. I even feel love for her. What’s not to like about that?

We project what is going on with us onto characters in dreams.

My friend feels uncomfortable. Out of place.

In my life where I do I feel uncomfortable? Out of place?

In the dream and in life, I can’t completely let go and have a good time.

And the “love” I feel for my friend is not really love. It’s caretaking. Caretaking is a word that comes up a lot in dreamwork. It’s taken me a while to understand the truth about caretaking.  Most people would consider that taking care of another person is a good thing. Isn’t caring good? But that’s not the point. The point is that when you make it your business to always be worrying about someone else, you pull yourself away from your own feelings. In a way it’s a distraction. That’s what happens here. I can’t fully be the girl who wants to dance because of my concern for my friend.

The dream shows that I am caught between a place of being comfortable and uncomfortable. Between the soul girl and the caretaking girl.