Dream: I am given a pill to take. The government is handing them out. You take the pill, drink some tap water and then they do some test on you to see if there is any contamination from the water. I decide I won’t take the pill. Nobody can make me do it. How are they going to know anyway?
I have a subtle, undercover way of saying no. I decide in my mind that I won’t take the pill but instead of saying “no” I stay defiant only in my head. Quiet deception is where I go. My girl (my soul self or true self) would just say, “No, I am not taking it.” But I lose my girl when I stay quiet and make a sneaky plan. This way of being has been so ingrained in me that it seems normal. After waking up from this dream I felt justified with my position, “How are they going to know anyway?” But when Rodger brought it to my attention it started to look different. Is that what I do when I don’t want to go along with something? Do I just make a plan in my head and quietly execute it?
This sneaky, deceptive pathology was hiding in one my blind spots. This dream has an important message about how I operate (actually, how the pathology operates within me) but I would never have picked it up on my own. My homework is to speak out, “I won’t take that pill!”
The homework comes easily. I like speaking out like that. Often the homework gives me permission to act differently than I normally do. Hopefully in this case it is helping me to break my silent, sneaky habit.
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