Finally, I tell Mark about the dreamwork. As I get ready to tell him, I feel a bit nervous but also remarkably clear about what I want to say. I want him to know that dreamwork has been such a positive influence in my life already. I admit that I have been hiding some things from him and I talk about Rodger and dreamwork. He is interested and supportive. It occurs to me that I have been spending way too much energy trying to cover this up. Where else in my life do I do this? I will be on the look out for it. Hiding, covering up is an energy waster and is so unnecessary. It is time to be done with the hiding habit.
Next dream session
Dream: I am a teenager, hanging out with another girl my age at a creek area with big rocks. As I look up, I notice that the sky is clear blue and the leaves on the trees have turned a gorgeous color of orange-yellow. I want to go get my camera to take some pictures. There is an older authority figure there. He tells my friend that she is not allowed to be there. My friend is pissed off and makes some type of “talking back” teenager comment saying that she has always been aloud to be there before. I know that I will be leaving and coming back with my camera even if it is against the rules because I feel compelled to take pictures of this beautiful sight.
Rodger points out that if I go get my camera, it will take me away from these amazing feelings, this amazing place. In this work this is called “jumping away”. Away from a feeling. It’s the pathology pulling me away. Here the feeling is teenage sensuality. I am feeling free, inspired. I notice how beautiful the scene is and then I shift. I become an observer of the feeling wanting to pull away and take pictures.
When confronted, the other girl reacts directly. How do I react in the dream? I make a sneaky plan in my head. The dream is showing me that the other girl is what I could be and what I really am underneath. She is direct. I am sneaky.
Rodger says that the authority figure is the animus and he is bluffing to see if he can provoke a fear of his authority. How do I react? Silence. I am afraid to speak up. I make up a sneaky story. What is keeping me from being the teenage girl that speaks up? It is actually part of who I am. What if I can learn to reclaim that part of myself?
During the session, when I practiced standing up for myself to the authority figure, by saying “No, I am not leaving. I am allowed to be here”, I felt energy.
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