August 2008: I am listening to a podcast of Oprah’s ‘Soul Series’ radio show. I love hearing the guests she picks for that show. They are usually a bit more interesting than the ones she has on her TV show. Today’s guest is talking about dreams. This piques my interest since I have been writing my dreams in a journal since 2002. I have always been fascinated by my dreams. I write them down not really knowing what I will do with them. I have read books that describe what different parts in the dream symbolize but the descriptions never seem to be relevant to me. This interview has a different take on dreams, which appeals to me. They are not to be interpreted. They are to be “worked”. I write the name of the book down in my daily journal, noting that I would like to read it someday.
11 months later, July 2009: I have a dream that is so powerful that it wakes me out of a deep sleep at 2AM.
Dream: We have hired a guy to trim the branches on a tree in our yard. I look out the window and see that instead of trimming the branches, he is cutting the whole tree down. The tree is a big beautiful tree that I love and I am devastated. I run outside to try to get him to stop but its too late. I am totally out of control as I scream and yell at the guy. I am so devastated.
I get up and write the dream down right away. I know I don’t want to forget this one. There is something really important that this dream is trying to tell me. I feel the devastation deep at my core.
The dream really sticks with me. (In fact, as I write it down now, I can feel the devastation again.) I tell some friends about the dream hoping that someone might give me a clue. Nobody has any idea. That is when I remember the Oprah interview and the dream book. I look through my log and find the name of the book from the year before. I am ready to read it now. It is called “The History of Last Night’s Dream” by Rodger Kamenetz. I call Borders. No they don’t have it, but they can order it. I call Barnes and Noble. Yes, they have one copy of it. I go pick it up and start reading. I like this dream book. It makes sense to me. I am about 2/3 through the book when I decide to check out the author’s website. His email address is there and on a whim I contact him. I am pleased when he personally responds. I get details about doing what is called “dream work”. I decide that I will try one session with him and see what its like. Then I think … OMG what have I gotten myself into?
Early August 2009
I send an email to Rodger with some general information about me and where I am right now in my life. I have a good life. I have a great husband and two wonderful kids. I live in a beautiful home and I have an extended family that loves me. So many blessings. Why then do I seem to always be searching for something? I explain in the email that I have many varied interests in life but I would like to feel more deeply. Sometimes I feel like I am just ‘flat’. Up until now, I had always thought that the fact that I never had big highs or lows was a positive aspect of my personality. Despite my underlying anxiety, I considered myself to be very reasonable and unflappable. In this initial email however, I pointed out that I didn’t feel very deeply in anything that I did. I was beginning to realize, that maybe this wasn’t the best way to live my life. In addition, I was hoping to lessen the anxiety that I had been experiencing for so long.
Next, I send Rodger some of my most recent dreams (including the one about the tree). I highlight certain dreams that I really want to discuss. He writes back, saying that we will probably discuss the most recent dreams since they are most relevant to my life as it is today. I feel a little disappointed, and wonder if I will ever learn about what the tree dream meant.
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